The past two weeks, it's been awesome. But once you reach to the top the only direction you can go is down.
The past days have a downfall. I've been falling away from God. Falling hard.
I feel like I've been tangled from the vines of Satan, and it's hard to free myself. There's always ups and downs in our lives but the important is that we continue to fight and serve our Lord.
So I guess I'm leaving for the ACC retreat soon and I hope God has something for me during this weekend. I know it's only like a day and a half but when God has something planned for us, it get's done.
Yesterday night, we (the worship team) were kind of practicing worship for the ACC retreat but in my all honest opinion, it was more a hang-out. I thought we got nothing done. There was no desire to worship and practice, only the desire to socialize. I guess we're all good friends and stuff but I didn't have the guts to tell them that we needed to practice.
So basically we have 2 leaders, me and this girl. But she didn't have a holiday like most of us so she had a Physic's test the next day (which was today). and while we were practicing, she was just doing her homework, on the computer, etc. I got kinda mad. She didn't pay attention to what went wrong or what verse was next or whatever the thing was during that time. I mean, I know she has a test tomorrow and she needed to study, but when we spend time with God or when we worship Him, even in our practice, we need to lay aside everything that goes around in this world.
I know I shouldn't be talking, I'm not perfect. No one is. But last night was terrible.
I know, from my heart, that we are not prepared, spiritually and mentally.
We're relying on ourselves and we don't even know it. We're caught up on who's leading what and what's a good song to sing, we don't have a clue that LEADING WORSHIP ISN"T ABOUT PLAYING THE BEST SONGS, OR THE GREAT SONGS.
It's about leading ALL these people out there in the crowd to Christ. It's an "Audience of One", not an "Audience of Many". It's all about Him and we're only leading to lead these people to Christ, not us, the worship team.
I'm scared, about worship this weekend, seriously. If we don't have the Holy Spirit in us, then how can we lead these people into the heart of worship?
We basically just went there, chilled, ate, talked, and that's it. There was no time of worship.
Someone called and one of them looked at it and gave a really big assumption and I told her not say anything about it but she already gave the hint about it to the entire team. I ignored it but, I guess me not having trust, distracted me and I told the whole team I couldn't think. So I said to take a break and I just talked to my accountability partner. It wasn't nothing biggie. I guess me trusting people isn't my thing.
I know her, the leader, I know she's awesome. I can trust her. I can rely on her. And I know she has a passion for Christ. But there are some things I'd like to keep to myself.
Look, I'm not saying our worship team is a complete trash. But that night, yesterday night, we weren't focused.
Our team is actually a good team.
Hilarie, our singer, is a great encourager. She can always cheer you up and she never lets you down. She knows when to be serious and she has grown spiritually like crazy. Hester, one of our team leader, has the PASSION, to learn, to seek God. She wants to go ALL out for Him, spread the Gospel around, do this, do that. She's a trusting and honest person. Josh, guitarist, is my accountability partner and he also has the passion to learn. He may be quiet and all but I know he has the heart to learn. Tiffany, our drummer, she's new to our team and even though she's learning to drum, she's also learning more about God. I do have great hope that God has something planned for her. For ALL of us. Me, the other leader, I'm not much a leader, I'm falling away, and I try not too. I try to be the best. But I can't. My discipler is teaching me how to become a leader, doing those 7 steps I wrote down on this blog. It's hard. Giving up are entire life for Him.
We all decided to that we were going into seminary school and gonna live our our life for God. And I know we have a lot to learn. So I hope this year, this school year, that we WILL have the hearts to learn more about Christ.
I love my team, I truly do and I would never trade them off and I they feel the same for me.
I have to go and leave for the retreat but I'll bring my laptop to write more during this weekend.
Just remember that, if you fall, always get back up and KEEP ON GOING. Don't fall astray and go back to the same dirty hole you've been living in. If you keep on seeking God with a pure heart, you will find Him, trust me.
For it says
"But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 4:29
No comments:
Post a Comment