Exhausted

It's finally Friday. Finally. It's been one long week and I'm seriously just running on coffee.

I finally got to sleep for more than 5 hours and it's 5:15 A.M.

I don't know why, but I've been irritated by everyone. I was talking about it with some of my friends and they all have been annoyed lately by people. I don't wanna talk, or hang out with people. I feel so empty inside. Like I don't have that passion anymore to do anything. Maybe cause I'm super exhausted or something. I don't feel like playing guitar. Not even do anything but lay in my bed and close my eyes.

I know satan has his ways and he comes at you hard when you're weak, but I still read my bible in the mornings. I still asked God to keep me away from any temptation for I know that satan will take any chance to cause me too fall into sin. I didn't write a blog this whole week and I apologize for it. Life's so stressful. 

This Sunday, our youth Pastor spoke and he challenged us. Challenged us to share the Word, His Love, at least one time this week. Every morning I prayed that He will use me. That he'd take my offering, me, so that I may be used in the Kingdom of God. That if there is any chance I see, any opportunity, that I'd make a fool out of myself for a sec and share His Love. I prayed. I hoped. And I waited. I still haven't shared and it's already Friday. This doesn't mean God's not using me, as for what most people would think, but just not at the right now. Z said his mom said, if you pray and pray everyday for Him to use you, that you'd pray wholeheartedly, and even though nothing happened, God will be glorified. Just continue to have faith and hope and love. I can't wait till this day is over, after youth, so I can just go home and sleep. 

Anyways, nothing really happened this week, and I'm so tired I can barely think. Some days I felt like not doing my devotions, but I still woke up, sat down and read. I still got on my knees, humbled, asking for Him to reign in me. Because I know, I Know, that I cannot survive a day without Him. For I hunger and thirst for Him.

It was either Friday or on the message, I forgot, that the speaker taught about using our Gifts. Whatever it is, use it for the glory of God. And that hit me. I started thinking about gifts and talents that I have. I can't think of any. I seriously can't. I prayed about this and I asked that He'd open my eyes on the gifts He has given me. That'd be able to use it. I don't care what gift He gave me, I just wanna know what it is, and use it. Maybe it's too obvious for me to see what that is.

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. ~ 1 Peter 4:10

Other than being tired, I actually had a good week. I thought about things a lot since I mostly laid on my bed. Even when you're weak and tired and exhausted from this world, continue to walk with God. Continue to chase after him because when you finish the race, he will say "Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant"

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith

   ~ 2 Timothy 4:7

I'm too tired, I just started typing this random blog and I have to go right now. So I know that my grammar and sentence and stuff probably doesn't even make sense, so sorry.

Life is Like a Cup of Coffee

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee. Savor the coffee, not the cups! The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. Live simply. Love Generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.



Created by an unknown author. http://www.Spiritual-Short-Stories.com


We only have ONE life. Savor it. As we have our walk with Christ, we tend to look left and right and we pick up things along the way. We have God. He is our Provider. Author of Salvation. What more do we need?

Encouragram

Bro,


I know you're struggling with giving up something you value and you have great importance to it. It could be the devil at work, trying to pull you away from God. Or a test for God. A test of faith to see if you truly love Him. I know you value that one thing a lot, but remember that everything in this world is temporary. Don't give in, bro. Don't give in. I'm praying for you hard. Hard. Get on your knees and beseech the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings and ask for him to live your life. To finally let go of everything. I know God is going to use you, that is, if you stay in the path. Continue to have hope, faith & love. You have a passive talent and a passion to learn. You are going to be an amazing leader of the youth when I leave. Go. Search. Don't find God just cause, but truly have the heart to seek Him with all your heart, soul and mind. This world can bring happiness. But God can bring eternal Joy. 

                                                          Always in my prayers,
                                                                          Joshua Cheng

NO.

Satan has us in his wrath. His palm is his temptation and he can overcome our will in just a touch. A touch of a finger. We feel like its too much to keep away from him, so we just give in. Give in into the evilness the world gives. The world shows and displays for all too see. We're in this container. We can't get out because we so deep into sin. So drenched and entangled in that it's like quick sand. The more we move, the more we go in, so we just stay still. Sinking in slowly and slowly as it devours us. We think it's hopeless, hopeless to even try to get out so we just continue to live on lives like it's One Big Junk. Like there's no purpose for me. you. them.

But there is hope. I know because I have seen His Love. I have seen what he can do. I have seen that His Love can conquer over those sin like it's nothing. They aren't even comparable to His Love. God's Love.
Yes, since my whole life, I've been giving into sin. All the pride, jealously, lust, anger, impatience, gossip and all these things. But I finally said No. No to Satan and his minions. NO.

Not this year. Not another year wasted. NO. I won't give in. NO. I've been fighting temptation for the past months. The many months. Finally saying NO. I say GET OUT. GET OUT OF MY LIFE.

Everyday he tempts me at the times I least expect it, but everyday I grow more in faith. I dwell more into His Kingdom. It brings joy to my soul to know that I can overcome sin. Sin that used to control me but is now fleeing. It still follows me and crouches at my door, waiting for me to fall. But I pray. Everyday I pray at my knees asking for help. Begging God to save me from them. I know there's hope because Jesus conquer death. Death itself. And I know that if we have God on our side, we can overcome anything. ANYTHING.

²⁶ Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

                                  ~Matthew 19:26

I've been living in joy, in happiness for the past months and it's growing. It grows deeper and deeper into the roots of Love. God Himself.

I guess this is a reminder for you people reading this. The ones that are suffering right now. About to give up. Don't. Because there is so much too see on the other side.

GET UP. FIGHT. GO. RUN.

FINISH.THE.RACE.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." ~ 2Timothy 4:7

True Worship

It's been a while since I wrote on my blog. I've been so caught up with friends, parties, worship practice, homework this weekend. So I apologize for that.

True worship. I guess Z misunderstood me or something when I wrote that as my status.

Saying that "true worship comes from the heart and soul, not the mind and mouth" 

We can't just blather out words of praise and prayers from our mouth and think with our minds that it's just another routine of church. It has to be true. What we say is true. True from our heart. I was thinking about writing him a message and telling him what I meant to interpret it instead of how he understood it. But I decided not too. Getting into a small argument isn't always the best thing to do. No matter how mad I get.

So on Sundays, Pastor Jason speaks a sermon every morning, and most of the time, Z tells me and Hester that he's got the concept wrong. Basically saying he's not teaching it right. He tells us his reason with a verse or some historical thing back then. We just nod our heads. I didn't say I agree with him, nor did I disagree. He's been reading the Bible since a toddler and he sure knows more about the Bible than I could ever learn. He wants us to get it right, get the concept right, and I know he's doing this out of love. But sometimes, when you try and look for all the wrong things in life, you tend to forget what's right.

I worshiped a little by myself at church yesterday after church while some people were studying PSAT. When I went back home, I got a message. A leader told me she was moved by how I had the heart of worship. How she was moved and that she wanted to learn too. Learn how to lead with a heart of worship. She encourages me all the time and she tells me how people tell her how great I am. How many people look up to me.

But I don't feel great. I don't feel like a leader. A leader who everyone should look up too. It's funny to think that if a person gets all these praises, pride seeps in. But for me, I don't have pride. I don't have pride that I am a leader, that everyone actually does look up to me. Simply because I don't accept it. I don't accept that I am the right guy. The guy where everyone says "I look up to him". Where people follow what I do.

She even told me she looked up to me. Even she does.

This week, I'm leading worship and as always, I'm excited. Excited to lead these people to the Audience of One. But when I get up there, when I put that mic in front of me, I lose it. I lose my focus. I think about the youth staring at me, thinking about what's the next verse, how I'm singing. That's why I turn off all the lights in the room during worship. Because it takes the pressure of me and I can smoothly worship. 

When I'm alone or when there's barely anyone there, I truly worship. Knowing that He is True and there is no one there to accuse me of doing anything wrong.

I have a lot to learn. So much to grow on. I want to learn everything He has to give. So tomorrow's school and another week is starting. But as a prayer request, I ask that I may have the time too wake up in the mornings and Be Still. That I may ready my heart for this Friday. That I may lead with a heart of worship and that the holy spirit may move them through it.

¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; 

   I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 46:10

Armor of God

This week went back fast and tomorrow's already Friday. Another week gone just like that.
Anyways, tomorrow's Homecoming and I'm pretty excited. A group of us are going and some college people that are visiting are too. Since homecoming is on Friday night, I'll miss youth. ):
I actually want go to youth tomorrow but it's homecoming and it's the my senior friend's last homecoming so I'll just go hang out with them.(:

It's been good for the past weeks. Real Good.


I feel like I've been growing tremendously in my faith during my walk with God. The devil's been tempting me with the world. Showing me all what I could be doing if I just relaxed and had fun. But it's not fun. Not fun at all. He attacks at me when I'm weak, when I least expect it and that's where faith comes and defends. This is why we need to have our mornings with God. Too prepare us for what the world has to give. The Armor of God. The shield of faith which will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Every time the devil tempts me, I fall on my knees and pray, begging to get the devil out of this room. My life. That I may conquer over the sinful desires that lay ahead of me, because the battle is won on our knees. On our knees, humbled and broken.


^"7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”                               ~Genesis 4:7


You must rule over your sins. Conquer. Destroy. Because the war is already won. Won by the precious blood of Jesus Christ, we just have to finish the race.


Ephesians 6:14-18 talks about putting on the Armor of God.
-Belt of Truth.
-Breastplate of Righteousness
-Our feet ready for the gospel of peace
-Shield of faith
-Helmet of Salvation
-Sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God
-Pray. Pray in the Spirit.


I recite this every morning. Every morning before I leave, I literally say these things in my prayer. Because I know I need them. I know my fortress, my wall of faith, is far from sin and even though it's not the strongest, the firmest there is out there but I do know that I have the heart to go seek Him, to go conquer over my sin. 
Anyways, I really don't have much to say and I feel like I've been writing these post really lazily. I feel like this is a drag during my free time and when I read my blogs just for fun, I feel like it's each recent one is turning into an essay. Like it's for homework when it's not. It's suppose to help me express what I'm going through in my walk with God.


Remember that our God is our Abba. Yahweh. Hosanna. DEFENDER.
There's soo much for me to learn. So much things for me to mature and grow on. I want to find it all sooo badly. But I know it takes time and patience. So I'll wait. Wait for the glory of God.

Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant

It's 5:30. Time for devotions. My time with God. My time where I can spend the early morning and be still. Also the time to put on the armor of God so I can resist the devil's schemes. Resist what he has to offer. Take away my Anger. Jealously. Anything that stains my heart. I'm still on the Book of Deuteronomy and I read chapter 5 today. The 10 Commandments. 


Now it's 7:05, school starts in 30 minutes. I want to get there early, it gets congested on the highway as time goes by and I want to be set and ready before the bell rings. I go out to my car. Blast the heater and warm my hands with my breath. I start out and enter the highway... 
I'm driving on the highway like I always do on a school morning. As I was driving in the middle lane, there was 2 long thick wooden boards and a plastic board (one of those plastics boards used for those portable restrooms) about 3/4 a size of  door just randomly laying on the highway. One wooden board on top of the other. Making one stick out in the air while the plastic board was on top of that.
I wasn't concentrating. I wasn't focused on the road. Just thinking about things that wandered in my mind. Things I wished came true. As the other cars were already avoiding those random objects in the middle of the highway, I didn't notice them until the last split second because of the larger car in front of me. No time to think. I harshly turn the wheel to the right. Not thinking about the cars beside me because if I hit those objects, my car could either get damaged really badly or it my tilt my car and make me flip.
I avoided them, missed them by a foot or so but because of my jerk to the right, I started swerving left and right. I tried to get back on my lane but I couldn't.
I lost control of my car. 
I swerved back and forth a couple of times till my tires got traction and I had control of my car. I went to school and just went on with my day. Like nothing happened.


I didn't freak out during the time. I didn't know what was happening. I was too lazy too care.
But if you think about it....
...if I freaked out and stepped on my brakes, my car would've flipped, hitting other cars beside me.
...if I hit the car to the right, it would've made a pretty big crash.
...if I didn't see those objects in time, I would've damaged my wheels in the middle of the lane.
All of them having a result of a crash somehow. But somehow. somehow I survived. I didn't scratch my car or did I get hurt. I might have hurt my wheels from swerving but that's okay. It's not major.


When I got home, I looked up some news about people losing control on the highway. Or somewhere on the road. Something about what to do when you started swerving left and right. All those people either lost their lives or had major injuries. It's scary. What if I died right there and then?

If I died, would I be able to face God? Face His judgement upon me? Or would I be too ashamed. Ashamed of all the things I've done in my life.
Would He say "What have You done servant?" or "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Would I be able to say 
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 1 Timothy 4:7?


It's a scary thought. God is coming soon and I can't change that. But I can change my life. Will you be prepared to enter the Kingdom of Heaven?
Death is scary. It's in the unknown and abyss part of our lives. 


But I guess a thing to learn from here is that you can die anytime, anywhere, any day. So don't live your life for yourself but for God. Live your life to fullest, LOL (Live Out Loud) for Christ. The man who was crucified on the cross for our sins. Your life can flash before you eyes and before you know it, you're in judgement before God. It's scary and we don't like to think about it but it will happen, no matter how much we avoid it in our thoughts.


Anyways, I thank God for keeping me safe today and thank God for opening my eyes on my life. Our life is fragile. Our God is Good and our God is faithful. May He be our Yahweh and Father forever and ever.
(: