NO.

Satan has us in his wrath. His palm is his temptation and he can overcome our will in just a touch. A touch of a finger. We feel like its too much to keep away from him, so we just give in. Give in into the evilness the world gives. The world shows and displays for all too see. We're in this container. We can't get out because we so deep into sin. So drenched and entangled in that it's like quick sand. The more we move, the more we go in, so we just stay still. Sinking in slowly and slowly as it devours us. We think it's hopeless, hopeless to even try to get out so we just continue to live on lives like it's One Big Junk. Like there's no purpose for me. you. them.

But there is hope. I know because I have seen His Love. I have seen what he can do. I have seen that His Love can conquer over those sin like it's nothing. They aren't even comparable to His Love. God's Love.
Yes, since my whole life, I've been giving into sin. All the pride, jealously, lust, anger, impatience, gossip and all these things. But I finally said No. No to Satan and his minions. NO.

Not this year. Not another year wasted. NO. I won't give in. NO. I've been fighting temptation for the past months. The many months. Finally saying NO. I say GET OUT. GET OUT OF MY LIFE.

Everyday he tempts me at the times I least expect it, but everyday I grow more in faith. I dwell more into His Kingdom. It brings joy to my soul to know that I can overcome sin. Sin that used to control me but is now fleeing. It still follows me and crouches at my door, waiting for me to fall. But I pray. Everyday I pray at my knees asking for help. Begging God to save me from them. I know there's hope because Jesus conquer death. Death itself. And I know that if we have God on our side, we can overcome anything. ANYTHING.

²⁶ Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

                                  ~Matthew 19:26

I've been living in joy, in happiness for the past months and it's growing. It grows deeper and deeper into the roots of Love. God Himself.

I guess this is a reminder for you people reading this. The ones that are suffering right now. About to give up. Don't. Because there is so much too see on the other side.

GET UP. FIGHT. GO. RUN.

FINISH.THE.RACE.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." ~ 2Timothy 4:7

True Worship

It's been a while since I wrote on my blog. I've been so caught up with friends, parties, worship practice, homework this weekend. So I apologize for that.

True worship. I guess Z misunderstood me or something when I wrote that as my status.

Saying that "true worship comes from the heart and soul, not the mind and mouth" 

We can't just blather out words of praise and prayers from our mouth and think with our minds that it's just another routine of church. It has to be true. What we say is true. True from our heart. I was thinking about writing him a message and telling him what I meant to interpret it instead of how he understood it. But I decided not too. Getting into a small argument isn't always the best thing to do. No matter how mad I get.

So on Sundays, Pastor Jason speaks a sermon every morning, and most of the time, Z tells me and Hester that he's got the concept wrong. Basically saying he's not teaching it right. He tells us his reason with a verse or some historical thing back then. We just nod our heads. I didn't say I agree with him, nor did I disagree. He's been reading the Bible since a toddler and he sure knows more about the Bible than I could ever learn. He wants us to get it right, get the concept right, and I know he's doing this out of love. But sometimes, when you try and look for all the wrong things in life, you tend to forget what's right.

I worshiped a little by myself at church yesterday after church while some people were studying PSAT. When I went back home, I got a message. A leader told me she was moved by how I had the heart of worship. How she was moved and that she wanted to learn too. Learn how to lead with a heart of worship. She encourages me all the time and she tells me how people tell her how great I am. How many people look up to me.

But I don't feel great. I don't feel like a leader. A leader who everyone should look up too. It's funny to think that if a person gets all these praises, pride seeps in. But for me, I don't have pride. I don't have pride that I am a leader, that everyone actually does look up to me. Simply because I don't accept it. I don't accept that I am the right guy. The guy where everyone says "I look up to him". Where people follow what I do.

She even told me she looked up to me. Even she does.

This week, I'm leading worship and as always, I'm excited. Excited to lead these people to the Audience of One. But when I get up there, when I put that mic in front of me, I lose it. I lose my focus. I think about the youth staring at me, thinking about what's the next verse, how I'm singing. That's why I turn off all the lights in the room during worship. Because it takes the pressure of me and I can smoothly worship. 

When I'm alone or when there's barely anyone there, I truly worship. Knowing that He is True and there is no one there to accuse me of doing anything wrong.

I have a lot to learn. So much to grow on. I want to learn everything He has to give. So tomorrow's school and another week is starting. But as a prayer request, I ask that I may have the time too wake up in the mornings and Be Still. That I may ready my heart for this Friday. That I may lead with a heart of worship and that the holy spirit may move them through it.

¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; 

   I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 46:10

Armor of God

This week went back fast and tomorrow's already Friday. Another week gone just like that.
Anyways, tomorrow's Homecoming and I'm pretty excited. A group of us are going and some college people that are visiting are too. Since homecoming is on Friday night, I'll miss youth. ):
I actually want go to youth tomorrow but it's homecoming and it's the my senior friend's last homecoming so I'll just go hang out with them.(:

It's been good for the past weeks. Real Good.


I feel like I've been growing tremendously in my faith during my walk with God. The devil's been tempting me with the world. Showing me all what I could be doing if I just relaxed and had fun. But it's not fun. Not fun at all. He attacks at me when I'm weak, when I least expect it and that's where faith comes and defends. This is why we need to have our mornings with God. Too prepare us for what the world has to give. The Armor of God. The shield of faith which will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Every time the devil tempts me, I fall on my knees and pray, begging to get the devil out of this room. My life. That I may conquer over the sinful desires that lay ahead of me, because the battle is won on our knees. On our knees, humbled and broken.


^"7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”                               ~Genesis 4:7


You must rule over your sins. Conquer. Destroy. Because the war is already won. Won by the precious blood of Jesus Christ, we just have to finish the race.


Ephesians 6:14-18 talks about putting on the Armor of God.
-Belt of Truth.
-Breastplate of Righteousness
-Our feet ready for the gospel of peace
-Shield of faith
-Helmet of Salvation
-Sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God
-Pray. Pray in the Spirit.


I recite this every morning. Every morning before I leave, I literally say these things in my prayer. Because I know I need them. I know my fortress, my wall of faith, is far from sin and even though it's not the strongest, the firmest there is out there but I do know that I have the heart to go seek Him, to go conquer over my sin. 
Anyways, I really don't have much to say and I feel like I've been writing these post really lazily. I feel like this is a drag during my free time and when I read my blogs just for fun, I feel like it's each recent one is turning into an essay. Like it's for homework when it's not. It's suppose to help me express what I'm going through in my walk with God.


Remember that our God is our Abba. Yahweh. Hosanna. DEFENDER.
There's soo much for me to learn. So much things for me to mature and grow on. I want to find it all sooo badly. But I know it takes time and patience. So I'll wait. Wait for the glory of God.

Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant

It's 5:30. Time for devotions. My time with God. My time where I can spend the early morning and be still. Also the time to put on the armor of God so I can resist the devil's schemes. Resist what he has to offer. Take away my Anger. Jealously. Anything that stains my heart. I'm still on the Book of Deuteronomy and I read chapter 5 today. The 10 Commandments. 


Now it's 7:05, school starts in 30 minutes. I want to get there early, it gets congested on the highway as time goes by and I want to be set and ready before the bell rings. I go out to my car. Blast the heater and warm my hands with my breath. I start out and enter the highway... 
I'm driving on the highway like I always do on a school morning. As I was driving in the middle lane, there was 2 long thick wooden boards and a plastic board (one of those plastics boards used for those portable restrooms) about 3/4 a size of  door just randomly laying on the highway. One wooden board on top of the other. Making one stick out in the air while the plastic board was on top of that.
I wasn't concentrating. I wasn't focused on the road. Just thinking about things that wandered in my mind. Things I wished came true. As the other cars were already avoiding those random objects in the middle of the highway, I didn't notice them until the last split second because of the larger car in front of me. No time to think. I harshly turn the wheel to the right. Not thinking about the cars beside me because if I hit those objects, my car could either get damaged really badly or it my tilt my car and make me flip.
I avoided them, missed them by a foot or so but because of my jerk to the right, I started swerving left and right. I tried to get back on my lane but I couldn't.
I lost control of my car. 
I swerved back and forth a couple of times till my tires got traction and I had control of my car. I went to school and just went on with my day. Like nothing happened.


I didn't freak out during the time. I didn't know what was happening. I was too lazy too care.
But if you think about it....
...if I freaked out and stepped on my brakes, my car would've flipped, hitting other cars beside me.
...if I hit the car to the right, it would've made a pretty big crash.
...if I didn't see those objects in time, I would've damaged my wheels in the middle of the lane.
All of them having a result of a crash somehow. But somehow. somehow I survived. I didn't scratch my car or did I get hurt. I might have hurt my wheels from swerving but that's okay. It's not major.


When I got home, I looked up some news about people losing control on the highway. Or somewhere on the road. Something about what to do when you started swerving left and right. All those people either lost their lives or had major injuries. It's scary. What if I died right there and then?

If I died, would I be able to face God? Face His judgement upon me? Or would I be too ashamed. Ashamed of all the things I've done in my life.
Would He say "What have You done servant?" or "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Would I be able to say 
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 1 Timothy 4:7?


It's a scary thought. God is coming soon and I can't change that. But I can change my life. Will you be prepared to enter the Kingdom of Heaven?
Death is scary. It's in the unknown and abyss part of our lives. 


But I guess a thing to learn from here is that you can die anytime, anywhere, any day. So don't live your life for yourself but for God. Live your life to fullest, LOL (Live Out Loud) for Christ. The man who was crucified on the cross for our sins. Your life can flash before you eyes and before you know it, you're in judgement before God. It's scary and we don't like to think about it but it will happen, no matter how much we avoid it in our thoughts.


Anyways, I thank God for keeping me safe today and thank God for opening my eyes on my life. Our life is fragile. Our God is Good and our God is faithful. May He be our Yahweh and Father forever and ever.
(:

Go. Share. Love.

Go and Shine. Shine for the World. So they may know that the King is coming soon.

It’s so hard to be an example. An example for the non-believers. Too show them that God reigns in us and He alone can rescue. It’s hard. I know this is a random topic in my blog but I was reading the "Inside ACC" (which is basically an article/newspaper for our church) and it just talked about what's been happening for the past year.
One of the topics was about our youth mission trip. Where we went to Tahlequah, Oklahoma. Someone wrote a small testimony about what happened during his/her time there and it usually says who wrote it but this time it said "Anonymous". I obviously knew who it was after I read it and the last paragraph she wrote reminded me of why we're here on earth:


"The ONE thing that I took from this mission trip experience is GO! Go out and share the gospel with your friends, family, and even the random person standing next to you in the lunch line. Go. Go and pray, begging the Holy Spirit to work through you. Go. Go and live your life for God no matter what He is calling you to do, because He has the perfect plan for your life. Go. 
'Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.'        ~ Matthew 28:19
Because when you think about it... what are you supposed to be doing here on this Earth?"


It kinda correlates with my "Expect the Unexpected" post. About the four commands he gave us.
I know I talk the talk, when I should walk the walk.
I talk of change. But I do not change. I talk about going out there, how I want to help these lost, these people blinded from sin. But I'm scared. Scared of what they'll think of me. What they'll say about me. Call me Crazy. Weird. Freak.


But I guess this is where FAITH steps in. Where I stand my ground. My solid fortress and my God. I want people to come and ask me about Christ when I should be the one telling them about Christ.
It's hard. Intimidating. But that's what the devil gives us. Doubts, thinking we can't do it when we actually can. We have God on our side. We have the God who created all things. From the heavens to the earth. From stars to stars. Planets to planets. What should we be afraid of? Nothing.

Because even God let us know that He is there:


³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
                             ~Romans 8:31


---------------I should this. I should take a leap of faith. One GIANT STEP.
So I guess I have a prayer request and it's taking that step. That step of action. Go. Share. Love. That I will go and pray & BEG for the Holy Spirit to work through me.

Love

It's sin that destroys us. Reaps our innocence and consumes our inner being.
Anger. Lies. Lust. Pride. These are the things I suffer with. These are the iniquities that separates me from God.
We all sin. Everyday. Every hour. Every second. 
We're too ashamed to admit our faults, our lies, our frauds. But because of God's mercy and grace. HIS mercy and grace. We, the men and women in this world, have been forgiven. For Christ Jesus, His Son, has came into this world. This world of sin. This world of fault. Not to condemn and judge us, but to save us from our sins.


¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
                                                        ~John 3:16-17

It's times like this, when we've falling into sin. When the devil got hold of us for a mere second. That we dug a hole. Thinking it's too hard, we dig a deeper hole. A hole till we THINK we can't get out of. We think it's hopeless. It's too much for us. That we just sit in that hole. That sin. Hopeless.
But I'm here too tell you that there is hope. Because "no matter how deep your sin is, His love is always deeper". Keep on going. Keep striving for the one thing that brings happiness. That brings joy in our life. Never look back but look what's in front of us. This world has blinded us with the untrue and devilish things.


Satan may rule the world. But GOD rules EVERYTHING. Even the demons are in awe of him.

^"19 You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder!"                          ~James 2:19


Keep each other accountable. I know I say that a lot in my posts, but it's true. Don't just live your life alone. Don't go astray from the flock. Keep each other close. Never letting go of each other. Love one another.
Because...
⁸ Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
                    ~1 Peter 4:8
Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs. Doesn't judge. Doesn't look down on you.
Love forgives. It let's us know that people do care for you. That you aren't the only one out there suffering. We all are. 


Pray. Pray for each other.
NEVER. 
LET. 
GO. 
LOVE.
<3

Expect the Unexpected

I just came back from KD, which is a PSAT class and I am exhausted. I usually take a 4-5 hour nap right now but I didn't write a blog yesterday so I want to right now.
Yesterday was a pretty good day. Most of our worship members ate at La Madeleine yesterday for dinner and it was time to socialize and share our week together.

We have only 7 members in our worship. 7. It's a small group but it's good. Easier for us to stay accountable too. During the servant team meeting, Kevin was talking about the formatting and the schedule change for Friday nights. He's changing it up a bit, too see if i'll make the youth more active and able to learn more about the Word. And during that time, he talked about making a Mandarin Class for the international students. Because they feel like they can't fit in our groups, since the English language is the barrier to communication. And Kevin said something about how learning to communicate to these people is like doing missions in Asia. They don't know the Word of God. They just come to church, just cause. It's an open opportunity to go and share.
All my time thinking about how I might consider doing missions. All the time how I think about sharing God's Love. The Chance was always in front of me. I've been thinking about doing missions in other countries. When I realized, why can't I just do it here with these people? Who knows when they will go back to their own homeland?

Justin Wong, talked to me about missions once. How our lives is a mission. That a mission trip isn't going somewhere but it's here. It's in our lives. He asked me the hardest questions ever. I don't remember them but I just remember them being deep and eye-opening. Critical Thinking.
He told me we should be thinking like that. Asking ourselves these questions. (Which I don't remember ): )

Well, basically, our life is a mission right? And this verse -

¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
                                     ~Matthew 28:19-20


He gave us 4 commands to do
Go. Disciple. Baptizing. Teaching.


What is missions? How do you define a mission trip?
A place to go share God's Word? A church thing where we just to some random location? Do community service? What?


Going to school is a missions trip. Going to work, library, everywhere you go.
You go out there and shine the light. Shine the light for the lost and wicked.
------------------------------------
Anyways, the "Transparency" blog talked about me being scared. Being scared to talk to Z. But it turned out to be just a small light talk. He wanted to know my side of the story, why I freaked out about what happened and stuff. He now knows another part of my life. And he didn't judge. He didn't force me to stop. He just encouraged me. He told me just not to be distracted by it and that if it's in God's plan, it'll happen. 


I guess I don't have to be afraid anymore. I don't have to be intimidated by Z. For I know, he too, is like me. We have so many things in common but he doesn't know. He doesn't know that we think about things the same. He doesn't know that we understand things the same way. He doesn't know that.
But he does know that I want to learn more about God. And he's there to teach me. Guide me. Show me the path. I'm really glad that God put him into my life.


I'm really tired right now. And this post isn't probably isn't the best A+ grammar write-up. Or an encouraging post. But, it's my life. The title was suppose to be for another thing I learned. But, I'm too tired to write. So I guess I'll leave this afternoon with this and write one tonight,


Find a group of friends you trust. Find a group of friends who you know loves God. Hang out. Share. Love. Be Accountable. (: